Mother's Day is approaching. This is often considered a "Hallmark" holiday. That is, a day commercialized to help businesses with the sale of cards, flowers, candy, etc. However, for those who are grieving the loss of their mother, this day will probably trigger layers of emotions. Perhaps she was your best friend, your confidante, your rock, the one you turned to for guidance. My mom died of a brain tumor the month before my first child was born. I had never even changed a diaper. I needed her comfort and support. I grieved that my children would never know her sweet presence.
Some of you may not have had a good relationship with your mother and therefore you grieve the finality, that what could have been will never be—unfinished business.
Perhaps your feelings are mixed and confused because although you loved her dearly, she left you with a big mess of a house to clean and finances to straighten out. Or you may be happy she is no longer suffering, but you miss her physical presence. Or she was already "gone" with dementia years ago. I uniquely feel for those of you whose mother died while you were a child.
Grieving is rarely straightforward. It's a jagged and complex road to healing. Doing the "work" will ease this difficult journey. Here's my suggestion for this upcoming Mother's Day: write your mom a handwritten letter. That's right, handwritten, not computerized. Just write what's on your mind. No judgment. Putting the pen to paper helps to heal the heart.
Here's a quick non-sciencey article about the positive effects of handwriting:
If your mom is still with us, then write her a letter. This may just be for your own therapy. Depending on your relationship with her, you do not need to give it. But remember, one day she will be gone and then won't have the chance to say what you've been putting off. "I love you," or "Let's work on a better relationship," or "Why am I the only child with green eyes?"
In Memory of Margaret Ransom